Rick Muscles explores the real reasons why Cam Newton returned to Auburn

1x1.trans Rick Muscles explores the real reasons why Cam Newton returned to Auburn


Internet sensation, @RickMuscles, was nice enough to give us a post on Cam Newton returning to Auburn to finish his degree. He has written for sites such as Friends of The Program and Every Day Should Be Saturday. Basically, if you aren’t following him on Twitter, you are digitally punching our fore fathers in the digital face. Let’s have Rick explore the Cam Newton situation.

Cam Newton has returned to Auburn to finish his degree. This is a disingenuous pursuit. How do I know? Because normal adults finish their degree online. But forget all of that. Let’s just make fun of him.

Top 5 hilarious things about Cam’s return to the Barn!

1. The Panthers finished the season 7-9. While not good enough to make the playoffs, Auburn fans will certainly be impressed with this record. 7 wins would’ve got the Barn in the Music City Bowl.

2. It’s a celebration, bitches! This weekend Bama will celebrate another National Championship with a parade. Auburn will counter by high fiving over an Auburn man attending class. It’s the little things.

3. After Cam realized college classes are dumb, he will attempt to use his statue as a stand-in during lectures. Just realized you don’t need a degree to get a statue at Auburn. Higher learning, y’all!

4. Cam Newton currently has a contract worth $22 Million. That doesn’t even count the $180k he was under contract for with Auburn. That said, the price of Niffer’s corn nuggets will soar to $40.00 per nugget. Maybe Barkley will finally lose weight.

5. It’s a good thing Cam didn’t go to Mississippi State. The fact that they serve Hunt Brothers Pizza in every class would certainly ruin his NFL body. Sure Auburn has a nice Creed. But Mississippi State’s creed is actually a Creed song.

Aubs, if this makes you mad feel free to tweet me the score of the 2010 Iron Bowl. Still not over that.